


singing myself to sleep

by alittlebitoflight



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 10:54:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7571446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebitoflight/pseuds/alittlebitoflight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tyler always used to sing josh to sleep. but now tyler's gone, and josh has bags under his eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	singing myself to sleep

**Author's Note:**

> this is really bad im sorry. but i tried.

**may twenty third**

it's been six days since you left. my psychiatrist, jenna, she wants me to write my feelings in this journal. i've tried but i couldnt put my thoughts into words. that's  _your_ thing.

 

** april thirteenth **

it's been three weeks, you're still haunting every memory, and i havent really slept.

 

** june second **

_i miss you._

 

**june eighteenth**

well, im twenty eight now. my family dragged me out of the house to try to get me to loosen up. and when i blew out my candles all i could think about was you.

 

** july fourth **

you never really liked this holiday. said you couldnt tell the difference between a gunshot and a firework, and that terrified you. i always loved fireworks. but not anymore.

 

** august twenty fourth **

my mom tried to get me to join a group for people affected by suicide. it's funny that she thought i'd go, but it hurt to see how distraught she looked when i wouldn't leave my room.

 

** october twenty seventh **

it's my favorite time of the year and all i want to do is stay in bed. it's sad i guess, but i remember how we always used to dress up as skeletons and scare the little kids.  _god_ that was hilarious.

 

**november twenty ninth**

i didnt want to go to thanksgiving dinner. i didnt want to see your family again. but ashley pulled me out of my room and downstairs. everyone went around saying what they were thankful for, and when it got to me i honestly didnt know what to say.  _"im thankful for tyler joseph?"_ that wouldnt make any sense. he's dead.  _you're_ dead. so instead i just went with "im thankful for a loving family" and i guess that was true.

 

** december first **

you would've been twenty eight today.  _twenty eight_. i visited your grave. it was snowed over and i could barely see the engraved markings.  _here lies tyler joseph. loving son. brother, friend._ i cried.

 

** january sixteenth **

 i dont go out anymore like we used to. i dont drink. i dont  _anything_ anymore honestly.

 

**february fifteenth**

_god_ , i miss you

 

**february twenty third**

i started drinking again.

 

**march twenty third**

taking up drinking again was a mistake. i got into a fight with debby. they had to call the police. i dont remember anything that much. except the blood, oh did i remember that,  _all too well_. i didnt mean to hurt her. i didnt mean hurt anyone.

 

** april twentieth **

i think jordan saw my arm. he knows im not okay but i guess he didnt know it was that bad. but luckily he didnt ask me about it.

 

** may ninth **

~~~~i havent really slept at all since you've been gone. you always used to sing me to sleep. now i can barely remember what you sound like and that _terrifies_ me.

 

**may seventeenth**

i think im starting to understand why you did it. i feel so numb and i rarely leave my room and i cry myself to sleep every. single. night.  _god i miss you so much._

 

**may twentieth**

i dont think i can do this anymore.

 

** may twenty third **

im writing this at our treehouse.  _your treehouse._ it's been a year and i dont think i can go on. all i have to show is a year's worth of tear stained words and a dangling body. but we'll be together soon. im sorry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> lol i hate this it's so badly written i apologize


End file.
